More than a year after a tech worker lost her job, she and her wife are still splitting their mortgage and most household expenses equally. They considered changing the arrangement to reflect their incomes, but her savings, severance pay and previously earned bonuses leave her able to cover half the mortgage. Her wife now pays more for groceries and includes her on her health insurance, making their support for each other broader than the mortgage split alone.
How their housing costs changed over time
About a year into their relationship, her wife moved into a condo the tech worker had bought on her own. At the time, the tech worker earned a higher base salary, along with performance bonuses and company stock. Because the mortgage cost more than the rent they might have chosen based on their combined income, she paid most of it. They split groceries, utilities, internet and shared travel costs equally.
Five years into the relationship, she sold the condo, her wife increased her working hours, and they bought a townhouse together. At first, they divided the new mortgage according to their base salaries, at roughly 60/40. She preferred using base pay as the benchmark because bonuses and stock awards could vary from year to year.
After her wife's hospital adjusted pay through union negotiations, their base salaries gradually converged. Once their incomes were about even, they began paying half the mortgage each.
Savings and severance made a 50/50 split possible
About eight months after they adopted the equal split, the tech worker was laid off. She had emergency savings built up over years of work and received severance, but the loss of a steady paycheck changed the household's finances. For the first time in their relationship, her wife was the higher earner.
They discussed returning to an income-based arrangement. Her wife offered to contribute more toward the mortgage and other bills, but the laid-off worker felt she could still afford half the mortgage using her savings, severance and past bonuses. She also did not want to shift a larger share of the mortgage onto her wife. An income-based split might have made sense on paper, she felt, but asking her wife to pay more would not necessarily feel fair to both of them.
Groceries and health coverage are part of the balance
More than a year after the layoff, they continue to split the mortgage and most expenses equally. Her wife now works full time, while the tech worker earns income through freelance and contract projects. Her wife covers a larger share of grocery costs and has added her to her health insurance. She sees accepting that support as another way they share responsibility for the household.
Both expect their work, housing and personal finances to keep changing, so they plan to keep discussing whether their arrangement still works. They also count support for each other's careers, learning new skills and the work of running a household as contributions. For them, the mortgage split is only one part of their shared finances.